high people should be assigned attendants
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
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You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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