the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
