there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
