As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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