So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
