I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
