The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
