Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
