Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
