smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
