I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Randomize
