if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
