Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
