I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think pants incapable of making pants work
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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