my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my sisters under your porch take her home
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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