All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
