So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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