Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just fell off a train. Bad.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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