I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
