sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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