where am i from again
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We left the knife in your bed.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
