Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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