Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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