Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
