so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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