Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games

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  (415): I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games http://tfl.nu/i5dy
  Replies (8) Good night (605) Bad night (1131)
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  (433): View more from

  There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables

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  (433): There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables http://tfl.nu/c33j
  Replies (63) Good night (1480) Bad night (4082)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever

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  (913): he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever http://tfl.nu/f5uq
  Replies (35) Good night (718) Bad night (6987)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now

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  (614): I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now http://tfl.nu/fog4
  Replies (9) Good night (3464) Bad night (803)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?

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  (870): It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you? http://tfl.nu/rq03
  Replies (2) Good night (1085) Bad night (3268)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury

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  (901): You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury http://tfl.nu/7ksy
  Replies (17) Good night (5486) Bad night (1083)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it

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  (719): dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it http://tfl.nu/atpp
  Replies (9) Good night (1093) Bad night (2760)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office

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  (217): the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office http://tfl.nu/i7an
  Replies (18) Good night (2817) Bad night (2399)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"

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  (918): this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun" http://tfl.nu/d07w
  Replies (16) Good night (3693) Bad night (1136)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.

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  (612): I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies. http://tfl.nu/bycy
  Replies (5) Good night (2067) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"

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  (314): Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do" http://tfl.nu/rrgq
  Replies (12) Good night (2676) Bad night (1167)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.

  (1-229): View more from Georgia

  I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.

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  (229): I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier. (1-229): I feel like I got ass raped in the brain. http://tfl.nu/l1ue
  Replies (15) Good night (923) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.

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  (360): I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel? (1-360): considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'. http://tfl.nu/0tmm
  Replies (0) Good night (1095) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning

  (1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Damnit.

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  (832): If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning (1-832): Damnit. http://tfl.nu/shac
  Replies (2) Good night (531) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...

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  (916): I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart... http://tfl.nu/pfn5
  Replies (2) Good night (409) Bad night (339)

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