they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.