at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony