I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
