she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Damn victory sex feels great
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
