Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm passing your future prison.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
