You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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