there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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