this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
