She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
