I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
