dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
