so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
