I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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