I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
