It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
