if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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