put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
