it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
