I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
