The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
