I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
