evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
