i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
