I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
