grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
