so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
