Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize