I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
