i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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