The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
