Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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