grandma shit on top of the toilet
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
