nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
