Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
