I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ladies don't puke and tell
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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