They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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