we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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