That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
