never play flip cup with pint glasses
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
