the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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