Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Randomize
