ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
