i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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