I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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