I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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