Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
