Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
