You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
