4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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