The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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