guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
