maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
