I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
