There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
