apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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