after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize