God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
